i've realized i can be bad about internalizing my feelings when it comes to change. i don't handle it well so i try to ignore it or push it deep down because i don't know how else to escape it. today i didn't leave my bed for longer than i should have because i kept thinking about how i was about to graduate and it put this awful knot in my stomach. i needed to get it out. all i could think about was how badly i wanted to find a dance studio and pour it out of me, all alone. because when there are no words to describe your feelings, dance is always there to speak for you.

just a few summer necessities...

"happy. just in swim shorts, barefooted, wild-haired, in the red fire dark, singing, swigging wine, spitting, jumping, running -- that's the way to live. all along by the sigh of the sea out there." -jack kerouac

"when spring came, even the false spring, there were no problems except where to be happiest." -- Earnest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

bought my cap and gown today. it has me in a very sentimental mood, a strange mood actually. i have a little over a month of college left. WHAT?!?! i don't even believe it, maybe because i don't want to, moving on and changing is a concept i've always struggled with even when i was a little girl. and here comes the biggest change of all.... the real world.

i don't want to leave this house, we're currently pretending it's just going to cease to exist and no one else will ever live in it. what will happen with keeping up with friends? who will be there for me in Raleigh next year? moving on, growing up. its just part of life. and i think its ok to be scared and nervous its hard though. i have to remind myself to turn to God in the midst of all this, because lately that's the last thing i've been doing.

ah i can here the thunder coming and i'm getting so excited. i love these warm days i really do but i feel like we skipped spring a little here, and i'm ready for some april showers for sure.